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I was a bitch

September 16, 2013

I was a bitch a complete and utter bitch…….I was 13/14 yrs old and a boy I used to attend a club with asked me out and I laughed in his face…..

It’s looking back on things I realised I hated my life and I hated myself.
I took it out on others around me and he was one of them and I feel bad every time I think back on it……

I remember him looking at me and few times that evening and then him walking over to me and stuttering out the words ‘will you go out with me’ so what did I do, I laughed at him and I replied ‘with you’ and I think I may of even followed it up with ‘do I look blind’ before walking off continuing to laugh.

My life growing up was never an easy one, I hated males (for reasons I’m not going into now) I used to have very low self esteem so I made others (mainly males) around me feel small so I could feel better about my myself and that poor boy did not have a clue about me or my life but somehow got caught up in it all, why? because he thought I was a nice person which is why I’m guessing he asked me out, he was so wrong, if I could turn back the clock I may say yes and give him a chance or at least say I’m sorry I’m not allowed a boyfriend or even I like you just as a friend……

I dealt him the lowest blow I could that night and I was so wrong and I’m saying to him now I am sorry, I am sorry I laughed at you and I can now imagine how much pain I caused you that evening.

I know you got over me as I saw you a few months later with your girlfriend, I was friends with your neighbours children,I made sure you never saw me when I visited as I had not only embarrassed you I had embarrassed myself that night too.
that was no excuse for my behaviour but the one thing I eventually learned from that night is the simple saying ‘treat others how you wish to be treated yourself’

Sorry again for being a bitch.

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